Tortured Soul
by Kale
Summary: Discontinued.
1. Chapter 1

Neon Genesis Evangelion is © Gainax/TV Tokyo.  Series distributed in the US by ADV Films.  Movies distributed by Manga Entertainment, a subsidiary of Palm Pictures.

This story happens after Shinji has killed Kaworu.  For the purpose of this AU, it is assumed that Asuka did not go comatose after the Section 2 agents found her and brought her back.

* * *

Tortured Soul

By Kayn (Kale on ff.net)

Proofreading by The Master Chief

* * *

**Chapter 01**

Black clouds covered the sky and it began pouring heavily. Shinji could hear the rain pounding against the window. The boom of the thunder so strong it shook the glass.  Lightning lit up the sky for a brief moment and then vanished.  Inside his room, he stared up at ceiling with his tear-streaked face and more tears were ready to burst from his watery eyes. 

_Why? Why do people that I get close to always hurt me? He asked himself internally between fits of sobbing.__  Why must other people suffer because of my actions?  He took a moment to reflect on all the pain that has been caused by him: From Touji's sister being hurt, to him being forced to watch as his heartless father made his Eva nearly kill Touji, and worst of all, him killing Kaworu. He cried himself to sleep as the images flooded his mind without stopping._

When morning came, Shinji got up earlier than everyone else like usual and started to make breakfast just like he did every morning. It had become more of a habit than anything else – Asuka never cooked on her turn, and Misato's food was unbearable. He ignored the fact that it was still raining outside although lighter then it was before he fell asleep. He knew Asuka's and Misato's habits and when they would get up.  Quickly preparing breakfast for everyone else, he carefully set the table then walked lifelessly back to his room and fell onto his bed. He didn't want to have to endure either of them.

* * *

Asuka had actually awoken before her alarm clock, which was right next to her, went off and she turned it off with her left hand. Asuka then just stared up at the ceiling like she had been doing since the 16th Angel when she couldn't even get her Unit 02 to move.

_Why do I stay here? Asuka thought despondently. __I can't pilot Unit Two anymore, and even if I could, the Angels are all defeated.  And Hikari's gone now that the city's destroyed... I've no reason to be here...   _

Asuka rolled over to try to go back to sleep, hoping to avoid her thoughts.  However, sleep decided to evade her this moment, refusing to come to her as she lay on her bed with her eyes closed. Not that she **welcomed the nightly visions of her mother coddling that damned doll, or the image of her mother dangling from the roof of her room with said doll next to her. She hadn't had a peaceful night's rest ever since the 15th Angel attacked.**

_I need to find something to keep me busy so I don't think, Asuka thought as she got up and went over to her dresser to pick out clothes to wear._

After picking out her clothes for the day, Asuka went out into the dining room. She saw breakfast on the table, and as it looked edible, Shinji had clearly made it.  However, her roommates weren't around.   She shrugged it off, then ate her breakfast in silence, having too many of her own problems to really care at the moment.

* * *

Misato lay listlessly on her bed, staring blankly at the wall before her. Her eyes were red and irritated from yet another bout of uncontrollable crying, a nightly ritual since Kaji's death. She didn't want to get up; she didn't want to do anything. All she could think about was what a fool she was for being too stubborn to admit her feelings to him.  Now it was too late. She would never be able to tell him now.  She turned over her in bed and pulled her covers over her head. She just wanted to avoid everyone right now.

* * *

Back in his room, Shinji turned onto his back to look up and stare at the all too familiar ceiling of his room again, as he had been doing for hours before.  _I really ought to leave, Shinji thought.  __With my purpose fulfilled, Father doesn't need me anymore.  No one needs me anymore.  No one cares._

Shinji got up and walked over to his closet. He pulled his jacket off of a hanger and slipped it on, then grabbed his SDAT player and silently opened the door to his room, slipping out and closing the door as quietly as he could. He passed through the living room silently to reach the door of the apartment. Looking over his shoulder one last time, he sighed, then slipped on his shoes and opened the door and walked out.  _Probably won't even notice I'm gone now, Shinji thought ruefully as he closed the door behind him.  __It's not like Misato or Asuka ever cared._

* * *

After finishing her breakfast, Asuka went into the living room, plopped down onto some pillows and turned on the TV. She flipped through the channels for a while trying to find something that would distract her for a little while. Nothing was on, so she turned onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. She was bored, very bored.  In her desperation, she stopped flipping channels on this rather disturbing little animated series. In the show, a guy would change from a guy to a girl or a girl to a guy depending on the temperature of water. She shuddered at the thought of having to endure that herself.

Asuka looked out the window and saw the sinister looking clouds overhead and the rain falling steadily downwards. _How depressing, she thought. She heard the door to the apartment open and close. The show wasn't really holding her attention anyway, so she walked over to the door to see exactly who was coming in or going out. Whoever had opened the door was already out of sight by the time she got there. __Was that Shinji? Asuka wondered.  __I haven't seen him all day.  Asuka went to Shinji's room to see if he was still in there and opened the door. She found the room empty, with everything in the normally neat room in a state of severe disarray, clothes and bed sheets strewn across the floor haphazardly.  __So that **was him going out the door, she thought.  **__Maybe I should go tell Misato.  Asuka exited Shinji's room and headed towards Misato's room._

* * *

Shinji put the earplugs to his SDAT in his ears and pressed play as he waited in the elevator to reach the first floor, slipping it into his pocket so he wouldn't need to carry it. Shinji calmly walked out as the elevator door opened, calmly walking out of the apartment building. He started walking in a random direction, ignoring the fact that the steadily falling rain was soaking him. He didn't have a destination, but that didn't bother him.  Indeed, a lack of direction was the story of his life.

* * *

Asuka knocked softly on Misato's door. Getting no response, she knocked a little bit harder. 

"What is it??" Misato asked in a muffled, raspy voice. 

"Shinji's gone Misato." Asuka replied. 

Misato quickly rose from her bed and opened the door.  "Oh no," she sighed, a look of frustration in her eyes, "not **this again."**

"What do you mean?" Asuka asked curiously as she examined her guardian, noting her irritated eyes and her severely frazzled look, even more so than normal.  _She must have been crying, Asuka thought.  __Wonder why..._

"He's done this before, Asuka."  Misato explained in a soft, trembling voice.  "It was after he defeated the fourth Angel and saved his friends' lives."  She paused for a second; taking a deep breath, she then resumed her story "I had given him a pretty hard time because he didn't retreat when I ordered him to... He ran off after that, wandering Tokyo-3 and the surrounding countryside for two days before Section Two found him camping in the woods with his friend Kensuke."

"Why am I not surprised that **he of all people would do that kind of thing?" Asuka asked.**

"Asuka, he could get hurt out there, maybe even killed!" Misato growled in rage at the German girl's apparent apathy.  "Don't you even care!?"

"No," Asuka shot back flatly.  "Why **should I?"**

Misato was just about to yell at Asuka when they both hear the screeching sound of a car slamming on its brakes. "What the hell was that?"

"Let's take a look." Asuka said, genuinely curious as to what had just happened.

Both Misato and Asuka made their way out onto the balcony and looked down at the street below. On one side they saw a minivan that was turned facing the sidewalk and blocked both lanes of traffic. They looked to the left of the minivan and a saw a small body of a boy lying on the road, his right arm twisted into an unnatural position. A crowd of people started to gather around the boy.

Misato's eyes opened wide in shock and horror "**Shinji!"  Her wail sounded heavy and laced with grief; she knew this could only end badly.  Saying nothing, Asuka just stood there, staring at the almost surreal sight before her.  She didn't even notice the single tear running down her left cheek.**

Author's Note: Thanks to The Master Chief for pre-reading for me and helping me improve my story.


	2. Chapter 2

Neon Genesis Evangelion is © Gainax/TV Tokyo.  Series distributed in the US by ADV Films.  Movies distributed by Manga Entertainment, a subsidiary of Palm Pictures.

**Tortured Soul**

By Kale

Proofreading by The Master Chief

* * *

Chapter 02

            Shinji sat in a seemingly endless darkness, curled up into a ball and hugging his knees as he looked around uncertainly.  An ominous, yet familiar figure stepped out of the darkness from behind him. The figure looked down through his tinted glasses at the young boy. 

            "With the destruction of the angels, your usefulness is at an end."  The cold, hard voice was undeniably that of his estranged father.

            _I **am useless,**_ Shinji thought miserably._  What other use do I have besides piloting Unit 01?_ He pulled in his legs a bit tighter. 

            "I always said you were a pathetic idiot," came a familiar mocking, feminine voice from the right.  "You've done nothing to prove me wrong, and I really doubt you will now."

            _I'm pathetic,_ Shinji brooded, _and she's always been right about me._

            From the left was the course, angry tone of one of his best friends.  "Some protector you turned out to be.  My sister's **still in the hospital, and I can't even walk anymore without a fucking prosthetic!"**

            _It's my fault. _Shinji thought sadly. _I'm sorry._

            "I gave my life so that you could live. What a waste." The barely audible monotone of a familiar feminine voice added from in front of him.

            _She lost her life because of me. _Shinji thought dejectedly. 

            "Asuka was right about you. You're every bit the worthless fool she said you were."  That was the class rep, though Shinji couldn't make out where the voice was coming from.

            _Even my friends know how pathetic I really am._ Shinji thought sadly.

            "I taught you as best I could.  I thought I could make a man of you.  I guess I was mistaken," the voice of his teacher chimed in.  He was starting to hear everyone's ridicule from everywhere now; there was no single origin point for any of the voices now.

            _I've failed everyone. _Shinji thought dismally.

            "You were the only one I could use to avenge my father."  The voice of his guardian, the only real mother figure he'd had in so long a time, was last.  "I put up with you for that reason alone.  With the Angels gone, I've no use for you." 

            "Not you too, Misato…" Shinji's voice trailed off as he began to weep into his arms.

            "Useless."

            "Pathetic."

            "Idiot." 

            "Waste of my life. "

            "Pervert. "

            "Coward. "

            "Tool."

             The voices all mingled into one as they repeated these words over and over like some sickening mantra, the constant repetition almost felt like a rusted blade twisting in his heart over and over.  Still curled up, he fell onto his side and covered his ears, hoping to block out the endless barrage of loathing being heaped onto him. He found it had no effect, as though the sound carried through his hands.  Crying uncontrollably, he wailed out in anguish. Helpless against the verbal assault by everyone he thought had cared about him, Shinji lay on the ground crying his eyes out.

* * *

            Misato pushed her way through the crowd and ran up to Shinji's prone body, falling to her knees and looking on helplessly at the bleeding young man who had only moments ago been in the room.  She could feel her composure slipping as she cried out for someone to call an ambulance.  Several onlookers walked up to her, trying to reassure her that help was already on the way, but she could barely hear the voices over her own heartbeat.  By the time the ambulance had parked near the scene, she was a sobbing, trembling wreck.

            The crowd quickly parted to let the medics through to the injured lad and his guardian.  They lowered the stretcher near the ground, then put a brace on Shinji's neck and carefully laid him onto the stretcher and strapped him in, all as Misato looked on in numbed shock and horror.  She limply entered the ambulance just before they closed the door, gazing at Shinji as one of the paramedics fitted him with an oxygen mask.

            _Please hang on, Shinji... _she thought, carefully holding his hand as the ambulance started its journey to the hospital, unmindful of the tears falling from her cloudy eyes.  _I don't know what I'd do if... If... She dare not even ponder that possibility, the thought threatening to destroy what little bit of hope she clung on to._

* * *

            Asuka stared down at the scene below her from the balcony. She thought the body of the small boy looked like Shinji but couldn't really tell from her spot.  Seeing Misato pushing through the crowd and kneeling before the boy in a fit of pleas and sobs confirmed that it was indeed Shinji getting hauled off to the hospital.

            _What **is it with Shinji always getting hurt?**_ Asuka wondered as she came back into the apartment and plopped down onto the living room pillows.  _Every other angel attack, he gets carted off to the hospital_,_ and I've got to put up with the radioactive waste Misato calls cooking._

             "The sooner he's back, the sooner I can eat some real food again," Asuka muttered to herself

            "Is that the only reason you want him to get out of the hospital soon?"  A voice resonated from inside her head, soft and smooth, yet demanding her attention.

            _Of course it is! A_suka thought.  _What else is that moron good for?  She tried to shut the voice out by turning on the TV.  An ad was on TV, promoting a game about a guy in green armor fighting aliens.  __Looks nice, Asuka thought halfheartedly.  __I wonder if I can get one of those..._

            "You know you'd miss him." That gentle voice pulled her from her distraction.

            _Why would I?_ Asuka thought bitterly.

            Asuka kept flipping channels on the TV, hoping to find something interesting to watch. She flipped past an animated show but then quickly flipped back because she saw something that intrigued her. A kid with silver hair was lying on a stone block next to a girl on some steps, seeming to just gaze up at the somewhat cloudy blue sky. The girl was trying to talk to him, but with no success.

            _That reminds me too much of Shinji, especially those eyes. _Asuka thought somberly. Asuka shook her head.  _Why am I doing thinking about that idiot? I have my own problems._

* * *

            Misato sat nervously in the hospital's waiting room. She'd been sitting there for a couple hours now, looking up every time the door opened, expecting – though not sure if she was hoping – to see a doctor walk in with news on Shinji.  Each time it wasn't, she buried her head in her arms again and resumed crying.

            "Please be all right. Please be all right. Please be all right," Misato mumbled to herself as she tried to stop crying.

            A middle-aged man wearing a white lab coat pushed through the double doors near the reception desk. He looked out into the waiting area and saw a purple haired woman sobbing into her hands.

            "Misato Katsuragi?" He asked as he walked over to her. 

            The woman looked up, her face still wet with tears. "Yes?" She asked nervously.

            "Would you please follow me?" The doctor asked.

            She nodded as she rose from her seat, and then followed the doctor through the doors.  He led her to a sterile looking room.  It was rather plain save for several x-ray sheets hanging in front of a lit wall, no furniture and very little other light. 

            "As you can see from these x-ray photos, Shinji suffered a badly broken right arm and a few cracked ribs," the doctor said as he pointed out the injuries on the photos.  "We also believe he got a concussion from the impact.  He's certainly lucky; I thought he had much worse when he was brought in."  He turned to Misato and tried to smile at her. "He should be up by tomorrow afternoon."

            "I'm so glad he's alive. Will I be able to see him today?" Misato asked.

            "I'm afraid that's not going to be possible."

            "Oh" Misato stated obviously disappointed. The doctor could see it in her face, which was wet with tears.

            "Don't worry, he'll be fine" the doctor said to Misato, trying to comfort her. "You should go home to get some rest.  There should be nothing keeping him from taking visitors tomorrow."

            Reluctantly, Misato nodded. "What time will I be able to visit?" she asked.

            "Around noon at the earliest." The Doctor replied. "Make sure you go to the reception desk and fill out the necessary forms when you do."

            "I'll do that," Misato replied as she let out a sigh, nodding weakly and smiling at him.  "Thanks."   She walked back to the waiting room and filled out all the necessary forms as calmly as she could with the receptionist. After she finished, Misato thought about calling Asuka at home and filling her in, but decided against it.  Instead, she called a cab using her cell phone and went outside, waiting anxiously for it to arrive.

* * *

            Asuka looked at the clock with a tired expression.  Dinnertime.  She turned off the TV and started walking towards her room when the door to the apartment opened. _It's likely Misato, she thought. __I wonder how Shinji is._

            "How's the invincible Shinji?" Asuka asked calmly, and with a slight hint of sarcasm, as Misato came into the kitchen.   The older woman was still jittery, and looked as though like she was about to drown her sorrows in a six-pack.

            "You ask as if you care." Misato wearily responded.

            "I just want to know how long I suffer what you call your cooking, that's all," Asuka said, shrugging Misato off as she started to make her way back to the living room.

            Asuka was quite surprised as she was suddenly turned back to face Misato.  She was even more surprised at the loud thunderclap that rang in her ear as her guardian's hand hit her left cheek hard enough to leave a deep red mark, as well as quite an unpleasant sting.

            "You..." Asuka shook with rage as she spoke.  "You **slapped me...!"**

            "Don't you **care!?" Misato screamed near the top of her lungs as she grabbed Asuka by the shoulders and started shaking her violently.  "Shinji could have died today, and all you can think of is yourself!?  ****What is wrong with you!?  Don't you know how much he cares about you, you selfish little brat!?"  Misato's whole body was trembling  as she finally released the redheaded girl, and her breath was coming in slow gasps.  She slowly started counting, seeming to calm down as she got closer to the number ten.**

            Asuka could barely think, her guardian's last sentence ringing in her ears over and over again.  _He... Likes me?  She stood there in silent contemplation, not even realizing it as Misato grabbed several cans out the fridge and trudged her way to her room.  The sound of Misato's door slamming loudly snapped Asuka back to reality._

            "What about dinner?" Asuka asked softly.  The reply was silent, but obvious enough; Misato's door opened a crack, out shot a small wad of money, hitting her in the forehead, and the door closed again.

            _Well, Asuka thought as she made her way to the phone, __At least I don't have to eat **her cooking.**_

            She ordered a pizza and hung up the phone, then sat down onto some pillows in front of the TV as she waited for the food to arrive.  She was only partly paying attention to what was on, an animated show about three girls in Chicago, Illinois with plenty of well-drawn handguns and old muscle cars.

            _He couldn't care for me, she thought as she turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling.  __Not with the way I've been treating him._

            "He might," that voice that had been nagging her before chimed in.

            _No, it isn't possible, Asuka insisted.  __How could he?  Misato was just saying that to make me feel guilty, that's all..._

            "You don't know that," her inner voice chided.

            Her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.  _Good, the pizza's here, Asuka thought.  She walked up to the door to answer it, hoping to quiet the demons inside her with some pepperoni and cheese._

            She couldn't help but think it wasn't going to work.

* * *

            "I don't want anything to do with a pathetic **loser like you!" Asuka screeched as she walked away from the crying wreck of a boy.**

            "I only cared for you because I had to.  It was the only way to make you pilot.  I don't **need you anymore." Misato casually said over her shoulder as she walked away as well.**

            "I don't know you, and I wish it to remain that way." Rei stated coldly moved away from him.

            "We never should have bothered with you." Two people he thought of as friends said.  He then heard the class rep's "hmph!" as she too followed.  

            The last to leave hurt most of all, casting a hateful look down at the broken young man before pushing his glasses up and turning away.  "You disappoint me."

            Shinji was left alone with his thoughts, alone, in a never-ending darkness.

_            Alone. I am always alone._ Shinji brooded, _If one thing remained constant in my life, it was that._

            He'd been used.  Misato only needed him to avenge her father.  Asuka put him down to make up for her own bruised ego.  Hell, no one gave a damn about him save as the pilot of Unit 01.  No one loved him, and it wasn't hard to see why.  It was too much to bear for the fragile mind of one Shinji Ikari, who cried silently to himself as the darkness slowly enveloped him.

_            I can't take it anymore... I just want to get away from all this..._

**            End Chapter 2**


	3. Chapter 3

Neon Genesis Evangelion is © Gainax/TV Tokyo. Series distributed in the US by ADV Films. Movies distributed by Manga Entertainment, a subsidiary of Palm Pictures****

**Tortured Soul**

By Kale

Proofreading By The Master Chief

* * *

Chapter 03

            Misato sat in a chair she had pulled up next to the bed in Shinji's hospital room. She sat there gazing worriedly at the young child she'd grown to love as her own.  The light in the room was barely enough to see him clearly, and while it had stopped raining, the clouds in the sky effectively ruled out any help from the window.  She looked at him helplessly, her eyes sparing glances at the cast on his right arm and the bandages around his head.  _He's not going to do much in the next couple of weeks, not with those injuries,_ Misato thought.  _I wonder when he'll wake up...  She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again as she continued to watch Shinji taking shallow and rhythmic breaths.  She stayed there another twenty minutes before getting up.  She'd have to come back later.  She made her way to the door and smiled at her charge weakly, wiping tears from her eyes as she opened the door._

            "I'm sorry, Shinji..." She whispered, her voice choked up as she tried not to cry again, closing the door behind her as she left.

* * *

            Asuka watched as Misato walked down the hall, and then snuck up to the door to Shinji's room.  Quickly looking both ways to make sure no one was looking, she slipped into the room and sat down in a chair that was conveniently right next to the injured boy's bed.  _Misato must have put it there, Asuka deducted as she settled into the chair.  She then looked Shinji over, wincing at the bandages around his head and the cast on his arm.   He didn't look very well, and he certainly looked like he wasn't awake.  After she looked at him for a few seconds, she rose up to leave, not having anywhere near her guardian's patience.  She started walking to the door, but stopped as she heard Shinji's voice._

            "No... Please, don't leave me alone... Father... Misato..."

            Asuka shrugged and sighed softly.  _Probably having a nightmare,_ Asuka thought indifferently.  _I've been having my fair share of-_

            "Asuka... I need you..."

Asuka turned to look over at Shinji, blinking several times at what she'd just heard.  _Did he just say he... Needed me?  Feeling more than a bit guilty now, she quietly opened the door and walked out, careful not to make any noise as she closed the door behind her._

* * *

            A pair of eyes opened slowly as their owner was forced from a less than pleasant sleep.  Blinded for a moment by the fluorescent lights of the hospital room, the eyes shut again before slowly reopening, getting used to the sharp lighting.   Hoping to shield his precious eyes from the hard light, the patient tried to lift his right arm to cover them, and was only rewarded with an intense shot of pain through said arm.  However, whereas someone else would have screamed, this patient was too used to it by now, and only sucked in air through gritted teeth before calming down.  Shinji Ikari had been in this situation so many times that he'd developed quite an impressive tolerance for pain.

            _Broken, Shinji thought as he used his left hand to cover his eyes instead, finding that arm to be functioning properly.  After the stinging in his eyes lessened, he lowered his arm and opened his eyes, looking at the ceiling.  He didn't need to look around to see where he was.  He tried to get up, but again his body protested, incredible pain shooting through his chest and back.  He took a deep breath and felt his chest throb in pain again.  Resigning himself to somewhat less painful shallow breaths, he looked to his side, finding an empty chair._

            _What a surprise, Shinji thought sarcastically as he dismissed the chair.  _Not like anyone would care to visit me._  He looked back up at the ceiling, sighing softly as he did.  __I wish I at least had my SDAT player... Staring at the ceiling's getting old...  Old as it may be, he was enthralled with the ceiling enough, focusing intently on it for what seemed like forever.  So enthralled was he by it, that he didn't even notice the redheaded girl entering the room..._

* * *

            Asuka slowly walked into the room, careful not to make any loud noises in case Shinji still slept.  She was understandably surprised to see him quite awake, staring at the ceiling with a blank expression, apparently not paying attention to anything else in the room.  _Perhaps he's still a bit dazed, Asuka thought.  Aloud, she cleared her throat and called out his name softly.  The boy didn't respond, so Asuka tried again, this time a bit louder.  Still nothing.  __The hell's his problem? Asuka angrily thought as she stood there fuming silently._

            She decided to try again, her voice near the point of yelling.  "Hey, Shinji!"  That obviously got his attention, judging by the way he flinched in bed.  He turned his face halfheartedly to look her in the eyes.  Asuka stared into those sad blue eyes of his, seeing the pain and sorrow welling from them.  Asuka softened her voice again as she resumed.  "How're you feeling, Shinji?"

            Shinji grimaced as he tried to talk, the act clearly causing him some pain.  "I'm alive," he replied in a cold monotone voice.  His face seemed disappointed as far as Asuka could tell.  "What're you here anyway, Asuka?" The question shocked Asuka, especially the unusually angry way he said it.

            Quickly recovering, Asuka adjusted her position in the chair.  "Just wanted to see how you were, is all," she replied, trying to sound pleasant.  Even she could tell it didn't sound natural for her.

            "And since when do you care?" Shinji asked through a slight frown.  "Not like you ever have before."

            Asuka flinched at that remark.  Shinji seemed so hateful now; she could barely see the boy she knew.  "That's not true..." She protested weakly.

            "Could have fooled me..." Shinji shot back before looking back up at the ceiling.

            She felt a pang of guilt and looked down at the floor.  She really couldn't say anything to rebuke him, and she knew it.  "I'm sorry," she squeaked as she looked down to the floor.  "I'm so sorry, Shinji..."

            The room was silent for a time, neither of them unable to say anything to the other.  A pair of nurses could be heard in the hall, talking to one another for a while as they walked by.

            After a while, Asuka couldn't stand it anymore.  She looked up at Shinji as she spoke, trying not to sound as frustrated as she was.  "What were you doing out there in the rain anyway?  It's not exactly the best time to go out for a stroll to begin with, you know."

            "Do you really want to know?" He answered, his voice soft and listless.

            _He sounds so tired, Asuka thought.  __The poor guy, I never noticed...  She nodded softly as she spoke aloud, still trying to sound comforting.  "Yeah."_

            "Away," Shinji replied.  "Away from everything... Father... Misato... **You**... I just want to go away..."

            "Why?"

            "Why the hell not?"  Even as soft as his voice was, Shinji sounded angry and helpless.  "There's nothing left for me.  The angels are dead, no one needs me anymore..." He closed his eyes and sighed, trying to hold back his tears.  "I couldn't protect the people near me... Touji, his sister, you, Rei... Kaworu..." His voice choked up at the mention of the albino boy, the 17th Angel.  He took a few shallow breaths before resuming.  "Now anyone I could talk to is gone, and Misato's either away at work or in a drunken stupor.  I don't need to be here..."

            "But, everyone cares for you so much!" Asuka countered, her voice shaky as she fought the urge to scream.

            "Everyone?" Shinji repeated sarcastically.  "Everyone who cared about me left the city after Unit Zero exploded.  And if you remember, I **maimed** one of them."

            "That wasn't your fault..." Asuka protested softly. She looked at Shinji's face, which wore a hateful but pained expression that seemed unnatural on him.  "Even Touji would say that..."

            "I should have been able to stop it..." Shinji replied, not even bothering to fight back his sobs.  "I should have done something..."

            Asuka bit her lip and squirmed in her chair.  This was getting worse by the minute.  "What about Misato and I?"

            "Misato and you?" Shinji asked mockingly.  "Misato only took care of me so I would pilot Unit One.  And **you... You've told me enough times how you feel about me."**

            "Shinji..." Asuka paused, biting her lip softly as she tried to figure out what to say.  "I know I've said a lot of things to you... Horrible things... But I don't hate you, nowhere near it."

            Shinji turned his eyes away, looking instead at the sheet covering him.  "You know you may laugh at me but," he began, not looking up and seemingly to not have heard her last statement, "I envy you.  You're strong, beautiful, smart, and people want to be around you.  I wish I were even a little like you..."

            Asuka opened her mouth to reply, but at that moment the door swung open slowly and Misato walked in, looking on at the two of them.  "I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said, "but I have some good news."

            Neither of them said anything, but Shinji looked up at Misato with an unreadable expression on his face. Misato made a mental note of the apparent apathy of the boy to her announcement.

            "The doctors say you're clear to leave in a couple days," Misato announced, "but you got to try and not move around much until you're healed."

            Shinji just groaned and laid his head down on the pillow.  "Great, more time here..." he mumbled to himself before closing his eyes.

            Misato looked at Asuka and smiled weakly.  "Come on, let's go..." she said.  "Let him rest..."

            Asuka spared Shinji a quick glance.  He looked as though either he was trying to sleep or was outright ignoring the two of them.  Either way, she nodded and stood up, following Misato out of the room and closing the door behind her.  On the elevator, Asuka looked up at Misato, biting her lip softly.  "When we get home," Asuka said weakly, "we have to talk..." 

**End Chapter 03**


	4. Announcement

To the few readers of Tortured soul: I'm discontinuing work on this fic for awhile. I haven't had any motivation to do much of anything lately. Besides, when I started writing this, I was writing each chapter off the fly. I may eventually come back to this fic but when I do, I'll try to outline what I want to happen before I sit down to write the chapters. I may end up rewriting the story totally.  
  
However, I will try to continue work on my other story, Differences, which you can find here   
  
Thank you for reading my first attempt at a fanfic and thanks for the support.  
  
Kale 


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